Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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