If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
