I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
