Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize