My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love you. Go after that dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize