i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
