Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
