My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
