I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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