3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize