we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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