So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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