clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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