I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
