And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
