so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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