considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
