Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
