Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
