it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
