when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
