I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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