Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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