That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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