Whod you bang
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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