Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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