Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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