If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
