Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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