So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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