I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
