I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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