Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck appropriateness.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
