its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
