guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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