cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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