I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
