So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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