just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
