Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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