It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize