I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
