apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
