nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
