based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize