he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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