he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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