your parents love me but you hate me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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