R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
