Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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