suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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