You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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