please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
