went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize