im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
