You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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