What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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