i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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