I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize