i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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