plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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