So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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