remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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